Maria’s quest for a healthier body!

and I wonder will I ever be??? Well since I logged another 3 pounds down to get to 189 on Wednesday I haven’t really done much in the way of trying to lose some more. I thought that I was getting this, I thought I had the eating under control and it was becoming second nature now. It seems not. I tried not writing down everything I eat and logging all my calories. So for the past 2 days I have not done this. With the result that I have been seriously over eating. Will I have to write everything down forever???? Will it not just become something that gets into my head? Appears not.

So I ate too much yesterday.Then went out for some drinks with work people as a colleague is getting married next week. Said I would not drink, same as the other night (Tuesday) cause didn’t want to ruin my good work! I had a diet coke. I was having fun, chatting to people and didn’t feel uncomfortable in the situation as I often do. So why did I have a glass of wine? and then another? I stopped at 2. But that was half a bottle of wine! Oh, and yeah, I ate some chocolates too. Why not? I was already doing badly! So today I am tired! Was home at midnight so got plenty of sleep. Packed a healthy lunch (if a little too much of it!) ate most of that at work along with lots of other crap because we had a little picnic with the children as it was last day of camp. Oh and there was chocolate cake in the canteen, had a little of that too. Ahh, I just couldn’t stop myself!!! Got a present of some flowers and a box of chocolates for helping out on the camp which was really sweet. I want to open the box of chocolates and eat them all. I hope I don’t I don’t plan on opening them at all, and giving them as a present to some clients or something as a thank you when I finish up in 2 weeks. must find a good hiding place for them.

So that’s it. In a slump. I have a few things to admit:

1. I am getting obsessed with the scale again, got on last night before I went out and it said 187.5…..weird!!! but it was 190 this morning. AHHHHHHH. need to put it away, I have always known my weight fluctuates alot, so why torment myself!!!

2. I feel fat Why????? I weigh less than I have in a LONG time. I cannot even remember how long!! But they were taking pictures at the drinks last night and I was looking back at them and I thought my face looked so fat. There was one I HATED! and I deleted it. How bad is that of me??? It wasn’t my camera and it wasn’t my photo to delete!! But I did it secretly. That is kinda rude of me but I just couldn’t look at it

3. I am tired and using this an excuse as to why I haven’t been to the gym this week and I’m not going today. I did go for hour long walks the last few nights so thats good.

Anyway, time for some optimism. I really think it is just tiredness setting in! So I will stop making excuses. I will write down everything I eat (might be hard to count calories as I am in work 10am tomorrow till 10am Sunday) but I WILL write it down. And then I am off Sunday and I will do something nice for myself. I won’t waste my day off playing online games or watching tv. I might go for a drive to the beach and chill out by myself, or with a friend if she is free. I am doing well, I am proud of recent weeks, but seems i’ve lost it a little. Must get it back!!

and as the beginning of the blog said, i’m not ready yet. Gotta journal my calories and aim for 1800 every day. It seems I only try and sabotage myself when I don’t write them down. I’m just not honest with myself.

Have a good weekend

YAY!!!!!!! scale read 189 this morning!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!

So HAPPY

I went our with friends to a gig last night, didn’t drink any alcohol (had one diet coke and 2 glasses of water!) told them it was because I had work in the morning which was true but also i did not want to undo all the good work I have done recently!!!

YAY! I danced for a few hours, completely sober, would NEVER have done this a year ago, did not need alcohol for confidence. I even tripped on my own feet at one stage (lol! i’m a great dancer ) and must have looked like the drunkest person there but I wasn’t!!!!!

My friend took LOTS of pictures, I’ll post some if he puts up any of me!

YAY!!!! Today is a GOOD day! Lol! Proud of myself

and i suppose as chocolate eating goes it was far from bad. 4 sweets (dark chocolate, so i put them in my cals as total 200). But it just worries me. I have zero willpower. Non at all. I mean, they weren’t even my sweets and no one offered them to me, there was just a box sitting on the staff canteen table and I had some! A box of sweets on the table does mean they are for sharing with staff, but I am only in that particular place and canteen very seldomly, i mean once every few months. So it’s not like I know everyone!! But I saw the sweets and have to have one (4)…… No one else had any. why can’t I resist ?????

Anyway, a good day apart from that. Went for a long walk yesterday evening (1hour 10mins), really enjoyed it. I have been meaning to take pictures for you guys of the route I walk, right beside the sea, very pretty. And as I am only in this town another few weeks I will really miss that sea walk! Walked to and from work today, total 50mins. Will more than likely go out for another walk later on. Work was tiring today, great, but tiring! was working on another summer camp for kids, doing arts and crafts with kids with disabilities, it was good fun!

Food wise I am on 1665 so far today (it’s 6.30pm) so I should probably stop at that. I am debating on whether or not to eat over 1800 every day this week, when I did that a few weeks back I lost a few pounds. I really really want to drop some lbs this week….hmmm what to do for the best!!

I think my body is toning though, my stomach is my main area that I want to change and it is getting much smaller. Which I am so happy about. I noticed myself walking with confidence today, often I am a little self conscious and I walk with my head down but today I was head up and not thinking that other people were looking at me. Anyway, it’s just a little change but a good one.

As of 10th August I am on buddyslim one year! 33 pounds down at present, wonder what my year result will be?! Lots of hard work needed in the next few week. I bought some shorts the other day, yep, shorts!!! I haven’t worn shorts since I was a child! My friends always tell me that I have great legs, and I do like wearing skirts (usually with black tights under) but have always been too afraid of shorts. So I bought some, they are quite short, not hot pants though, lol! They are too tight on my stomach, but fit nice on my legs. Weird. Wonder if I’ll get the confidence to wear them in public?? looking forward to being confident on my holidays this year!!!

well it is early sunday morning and I am just after a really busy 2 days. I went to bed at 7pm last night, yep, on a saturday night!! lol! but I had worked since 8pm Friday night and barely got any sleep in work. Also spent most of yesterday in hospital with a client and there was a lot of tough stuff going on. So I needed sleep!!

So, had that bbq Friday night! It was a great evening, there was music and singing and lots of food. No alcohol (obviously as I was working) as many of our residents would have alcoholism issues so gatherings are always drink free. It’s great to realise you can socialise without it! Anyway it was a fun evening. I ate before I went in the hope that would stop me eating when I got there. You think it worked????? lol! nope! So I had eaten 1500 really healthy cals before I went, veggies etc. And then I ate when I got to the bbq. I estimate that I finished up just under 3000 for the day. Oooops. Had a little bit of cheesecake and cream (very bad!!), some sweets, veggie burger in a bun, salmon, potato salad and some choc chip brioche bread (mmmmmm)! So there it is. I overate but I knew I would.

Yesterday then I ate in work again, had a healthy breakfast, then had some leftover veggie curry for lunch. Was really good, had it with a little rice, some potato salad, a small handful of nacho chips and a little cheese!! far from perfect!!! So this totalled 1550 (guessing anyway). Turns out though that is was all I ate. As I got home from work just after 5pm, spoke to a friend on the phone for an hour and then went to bed at 7pm!! I was sure I’d wake up at 9 0r 10pm and would get up and eat then but next time I woke was 2.30am!!! So I just went back to sleep!

So, am ok with how the weekend went, I thought I would do worse! Goals for next week is to get my exercise in, am really busy with work next week and have two nights out I have to go on so hope this doesn’t set me back. I plan on not drinking alcohol on either occassion as I have to be in work the next mornings, so we’ll see!

I have started to see myself differently. It’s weird. I know I am still 192lbs (and cannot seem to get under this number…..which is frustrating. Hopefully this week will be the week!!!) But I saw myself in the mirror this morning and I look slim. Not skinny (never will be!). But I don’t look fat. Well, not to me anyway. I got lots of compliments from people I work with on Friday telling me I look great. Even though have lost very very little weight since they would have last seen me. I’m getting there. I know my goal is 180 and some days I think I want to go lower (my bmi tells me I should be, at the most, 164lbs). But I don’t look at BMI too accurately to be honest. I think I will be happy at 180. Well, I’m happy now, but I mean content with my weightloss. Ok, so this is the week. I would LOVE to lose 3 lbs this week. Get to 189. I will try my best!!

This blog is long and boring and about work and eating. Probably cause there is nothing else going on with me, lol!

Off to read other people’s blogs, they might have something more exciting going on! lol!

Ok, so I weighed in at 192lbs this morning. My ticker has said 192 for a few weeks now but I think it has been a few weeks since I’ve been at that weight, lol! After all my partying recently and boozing I weighed in at 196lbs last Thursday the 2nd! So as of today those party pounds are gone and I am back to 192! I am happy with this! The exercise is working and I have now stayed on track for 5 full days! It has been a while since I have done this!

Wanted a high calories day today as I was researching again last night what I should be eating and all the sites told me 1800 and up. So Sunday was 1750, Monday 1690, Tuesday, 1615, Wednesday 1555 and today I’m at 1865! This usually works at boosting my weight loss so we’ll see what happens in the next few days/week. I might have some fruit later this evening but won’t go over 2000. Think I needed a little more with the exercise I was doing this week. My body didn’t know what was going on! lol!

Breakfast: weetabix, milk, yogurt: 260

Snack: apple, bag of crisps: 230

Snack: ice cream cone!! cone 20 cals, 1 scoop strawberry guessed at 250: 270

Lunch: brown basmati rice, homemade chilli with beans/chick peas: 640

Snack: yogurt: 60

Dinner: homemade chilli, brown pitta, slice cheese: 405

Total 1865

Sorry, I know it makes for long and boring reading but I don’t expect anyone to actually read it, I just like to record it for myself for looking back on! Keeps me on track!

Exercise: walked 30 mins to work and 30mins home again. I haven’t used my car since Sunday, yay!! So saving on petrol money too!! it’s nearly 8pm here and I think I might go out for a walk in a while, could do with some fresh air!

Have that work bbq tomorrow so am hoping I stay on track and just think of how well I’ve done this week and not lose it tomorrow!

Working lots recently and not really partying at all, so I’m a little bored! But I don’t have much money at the moment and have planned 2 weekends away with friends at the end of this month and the beginning of august, one to celebrate my 25th and the other to catch up with some friends I used to work with. So if I just stay sensible and boring for another few weeks I will have some money and will hopefully be feeling great and down a few more pounds so will enjoy those celebrations even more as I’ll be more confident, although I am always confident around my friends, and we always have lots of fun!

Anyway, rambling…..

well it is 6pm here with me and Wednesday has been a good day! 3 in a row…..wow it has been months since I’ve stuck to things for 3 full days, lol!!

So I walked to work again today, 30mins, spent an hour in the pool with the kiddies, again not much swimming but still active! Then we played crazy golf afterwards! Haven’t played it in years and the children loved it, although it is probably the least wheelchair accessible place I’ve ever seen so we were lifting the children in their wheelchairs over all the obstacles! They didn’t seem to mind though, even though they are young they are used to the fact that things are tougher for them and there are some places they just can’t go because of steps etc, which I must admit annoys me because it’s something that is easily fixed. Anyway, it was a fun day!

Finished at 1pm and went to the gym again!!!! I made sure to eat this time, had my breakfast as usual before I went, some pineapple at 11.30am and a banana before my workout! It definitely helped, more energy and no headache

This was today’s workout:

20mins on bike: 156 cals: 5 min cool down too

20mins on rowing machine: 165 cals

10mins on crosstrainer: 75 cals: 3 min cool down too

20 mins on treadmill: 7 walk, 9 jog (yay!!!) and 4 walk: 192 cals: 5 mins cool down too

Total cals burned: 588. I know that those machines aren’t too reliable and I could have burned less or more but I don’t count them anywhere, just an idea for myself! Sat in the sauna for 10mins afterwards, was so nice!

So I finished up and walked home, 30 mins again. Didn’t take the scenic route as I had to go food shopping. So carried 2 heavy bags of groceries the last 10/15mins too, my shoulders were SORE!!

Food for today:

Breakfast: weetabix, milk. yogurt: 260

Snack: pineapple, banana: 190

Lunch: 2 slices cheese, 2 rice cakes: 200

Dinner: rice, hake, carrot, courgette, celery, mangetout, spray oil, mustard: 535

So total so far is 1185!! Will eat more later on so will probably finish around 1400 or so.

Finished on 1615 yesterday, so was happy with that!

Not sure when I’ll get back to the gym as I’m working lots in the next 3 days, and have that bbq coming up Friday!!! Hope I don’t lose my willpower completely! But I did enjoy the gym so definitely want to go again soon!

Going to read some blogs….take care everyone

another day in control of my choices…..and i must admit it feels good. Finished up yesterday on 1690 cals. I had said in yesterday’s blog that I planned to finish around 1400 but I think I exercised without having eaten enough calories beforehand so I had a quite a headache and my body needed more food so I ate a little more and the headache went, i really think my body does know best what it needs!

So today I have made good choices too:

Breakfast: weetabix, milk. yogurt: 260

Snack: bag or crisps: 180

Lunch: pitta, cheese, beans, rice cakes, yogurt: 430

Snack: pear: 30

Dinner: homemade veg risotto: rice, carrot, onion, pepper, courgette, spinach, extra light philadelphia, veg stock: 475

So it is 6.30pm and i’m at 1375 cals. Will eat some more later on, around 300 cals to finish just below 1700.

I walked 30 mins to work again today and walked the longer scenic route home that took 40mins. Then walked around town doing errands, paying rent and sorting out my phone etc… all very boring! for an hour and a half!

So I am planning on going to the gym again tomorrow, must remember to eat more before I go or else I will get a headache again!

Work related: I was talking to my boss yesterday (I’m leaving in 3 weeks, have worked for her for nearly 2 years!). So I am trying to find a job in London as I’m moving over there in September for a new adventure in life! She told me not to sell myself short. She said I have great experience and am great at my job and should be able to get something good over there. This was nice of her and also hard to hear. I am definitely my own worst criti. I am looking online for jobs and i automatically look at more basic/starting off positions. I worry that I am not capable of higher jobs, although I know deep down I am. Time to start believing in myself and looking for a new and challenging job for myself.

Anyway, hope everyone is having a good day. I’m proud of myself that I’m back on track!

WOW! well I think I worked out today more than I have done in the last month, or maybe even 3 months! And it feels great!!! I know one day does not make a great week but I am definitely on the right path……

Walked 30mins to the swimming pool this morning, got SOAKED in the rain, might take the car tomorrow!! So I was working on a children’s swim camp (for disabled children), didn’t do much swimming but was in the pool and assisting them, it was good fun! Then after an hour they got their lunch (I resisted the urge to eat in the cafe…yay! there was some muffins that looked GREAT!). Then we played on a bouncy castle and did some games for an hour. I’d forgotten how much energy children have and how they just love bouncy castles!!Sowas finished at 1pm and……………………I went to the gym!!!!! There is a gym at the pool and I brought my gear!!! I am so proud of myself! I honestly have not been in a gym since 2005! I think I did a good workout:

20mins on bike: burned 146 calories. did a 5 minute cool down too

20 mins on rowing machine: burned 173 calories and rowed 3400metres!

20 mins on treadmill: 5 min walk, 6 min jog and 9 min walk: burned 175 cals. did 5 min cool down too!

So that’s a total of 494 cals burned! I don’t really know how accurate those counters for calories are but it’s a good guide anyway! I was definitely sweating! I could have went in for a swim after but I really didn’t have the energy, so I sat in the sauna for 10 mins. Then walked the 30 minutes home again!!

What an active day! I think I will be feeling the burn tomorrow but I am so proud of myself for going for it and getting that exercise again. I plan on going again Wednesday.

Food choices have been good today! At 1150cals  and it’s 5.30pm and I’m not long after dinner so I think I will have maybe another 300 cals later on to end at 1450, i’d be really happy with that!

So I planned on putting the work in this week and I seem to have started off right. Let’s hope I keep it up tomorrow, although won’t do as much exercise, but will get a walk in anyway.

Off to read blogs, take care everyone

Well I am finally starting to gain some control again.

Food today has been good:

Breakfast: weetabix, milk, brown bread, cheese: 490

(higher cals than i normally have for breakfast…will do better tomorrow!)

Snack: yogurt: 60 cals

Snack: pitta bread+slice mozzerella cheese: 180 cals

Lunch: Baked cod, pasta, baked veg (asparagus, carrot, courgette):  525 cals ww choc mousse, pear & strawberries: 170 cals

Dinner: pitta bread, edam cheese, spinach & rocket: 210 cals yogurt & strawberries 75

Snack: chocolate drink: 40 cals

So I ate a little much, and too much cheese!! But final total of 1750 so I’m happy with that.

Exercise: none I waited for the rain to stop for nearly an hour. In the end I decided to go out for a walk anyway but the rain was way too heavy and I came back a few minutes later, i didn’t fancy getting soaked!!

So I have already planned out foods tomorrow so hopefully this helps me stay on track. Want to have a low calorie day, around 1400 maybe? I am working at a children’s swimming camp from 10am-1pm. Don’t think it will involve much swimming, just helping the children in the pool and stuff. But we’ll see! And I will get exercise in tomorrow, if the rain stays away for a bit! It would be great if I can stay in the pool after work and get a swim in, it’s been ages and I miss it! I will bring my gym gear too and maybe use the gym at the pool after work! I also plan on walking there in the morning (30min walk) and leaving the car at home, but again that is weather permitting!

I am going to stay on track this week!! I want results and I know what I have to do to get them, so I will do my best! Also I am working friday night and our residential home is hosting a bbq! there could be up to 50 people there!!! There will be SO much good food!!! So knowing that this is coming makes me want to stay on track all week, weigh in Friday morning and then if I have some results then I won’t feel bad about having a cheat day at the bbq!! So it’s good to have something to work towards!

Off to read some blogs….

Sometimes I  think I actually have a food addiction. There is a part of me that constantly wants to sabotage my good efforts. A part of me that tries to get me to eat something I shouldn’t and something that will hinder the one thing I want which is the lose weight. I seem to have to tell myself no, then find myself telling myself yes. And I will admit the yes part often wins, I tell myself, it’s only a little bit of cake and i’ll make up for it tomorrow. Which I don’t. Who wins in this? no one! I have tried to keep telling myself that no one else will know. I am only fooling myself and stopping myself from reaching my goals!!

BUT!!!…I won yesterday! lol!!! I was at work and tried to make healthy choices. I did MUCH better than I usually do. The above paragraph refers to a black forest gateaux that was in the fridge at work. I wanted some. I opened the box. I looked at it and I REALLY wanted it. But I closed the box and put it away. WOW!!! I grabbed an apple and a 60cal yogurt instead. Later on I DID have 2 chocolate digestive biscuits (maybe 100 cals each) so I suppose I did fail a little. But imagine how many cals a piece of that cake would have been!!

I was offered the cake again later my other staff and my residents and I said no. I find it easy enough to say no when other people offer me things, but near impossible to say no to my own head when it wants something!!! Anyway, it wasn’t a COMPLETE victory but I am proud of myself!

So I just added up my cals there and think I ended about 1780. Alot of this is guessed but not bad anyway. Oh, I also remembered that a client gave me a small mars bar yesterday and I didn’t eat it!! yay!! I just ignored it, ate my lunch of a veggie delight subway with no cheese!! any other small step/giant leap for me, lol!

Didn’t get any actual exercise in as was working ALL day. But was pretty active in work. It’s a 3 storey house and I must have went up and down the stairs at least 20 times!! ha ha! And did alot of cleaning which i’m sure was good exercise! Finshed at 9am (sleepover shift so wasn’t up all night!), came home went to bed for 3 hours cause I’m so tired these days!! and am back in again at 4pm till 10am tomorrow. Breakfast and lunch so far today added up to around 900 cals although I think I overestimated. So I just have to stick to healthy choices in work: planning stir fry veg with some rice. Then a snack of a yogurt and some fruit. Hopefully I will manage it!

I will get some proper exercise in tomorrow. I need to get back into it, just haven’t had time. But I am feeling so tired and I know exercise will give me some energy!

So I am back on track and my plan is to think of you guys on here when I think I am going to reach for a snack. And think about how much I want to be able to move my ticker down next week. I am ready to lose some pounds, now to convince my head that it wants the same thing, lol!

Hope everyone in the US has a great 4th of July, enjoy those bbq’s and have lots of fun with family and friends