Maria’s quest for a healthier body!

Well, I think I may always have “fat days”. I know I’m not at goal but I am really proud of what I have achieved so far. Why then today could I not look in the mirror without seeing fat? Why was I embarassed when I caught a glimpse of my relflection in a window?

I haven’t put on weight. I went shopping and bought some skirts and dresses. one size uk 14 and the others uk 16.  So I should be happy with that but I was just frustrated today. I was packing as I’m going away for a few days with friends tomorrow. I was trying on clothes. I put on an outfit I wore last week and felt great in and I just did not like it today. All I could see was the bad bits (my stomach…..).

Maybe it is because it’s my time of the month. Maybe I’m a little dehydrated from the heat out today and some salty foods so feeling bloated. Or maybe this is the way it is? Maybe some day no matter how proud I am of myself I won’t like what I see in the mirror. Weird that it was today cause I got a compliment from a work colleague I have’nt seen in months and see said I look so different and look great!

Anyway, I packed the clothes anyway and hopefully will feel better about them in the morning. I had a long shower, shaved my legs, put on a little fake tan on my legs!! and did my hair. Pampering usually helps lift my mood. Anyway, I’m not going to dwell on it. Just thought I’d blog it out, then go to bed and hopefully wake up feeling happy! I’m sure I will, I’m going on my holidays and I think it will be LOTS of fun!!!

So, won’t be back on buddyslim till probably Wednesday next week, so hope everyone has a good week and I’ll be back to check up on everyone then!!

Take care

Just watched an interesting diet programme (I’m always watching things like this!!! lol!). It is going through different diet myths and different people’s diets and figuring out why some people lose weight and some don’t.

One woman always thought she had a slow metabolism as she ate healthily. She underwent lots of tests and was found to be normal. She had to keep a food diary (written and on camera) for over a week. Everything she logged totalled 1100 cals approximately per day. However they also made her drink a water/chemical solution thing and then tested her urine and were able to tell she had consumed 3000 cals a day!!So when they looked closer at her diet they found that even though she was eating healthy foods like fruits and vegs alot her portion sizes were way too big and so she wasn’t losing weight! and they also figured that she had forgotten alot of the things she had eaten during the day so wasn’t even conscious of what she was consuming!

Protein: they tested different diets and calculated meals for 3 people. They all ate the same amount of calories but one of the people had a much higher protein rate in his meals (from eggs, meats and beans) and he was fuller for longer.The protein was proven to stave off hunger pangs for longer than carbs or other foods!

Soup: again they tested by giving groups of people the same meals although one group ate the meal (chicken, rice and veg) as a meal with a glass of water to drink, while the others had it pureed with the water into a thick soup. The ones that ate the soup were fuller longer and their stomachs stayed fuller longer as the thick consistency meant it couldn’t pass as quickly through the stomach and took longer to be digested than the large food molecules and water.

dairy products: the calcium in dairy binds fat molecules in your stomach so that it isn’t absorbed. Therefore eating low fat dairy products helps your body pass this fat through without it going into your intestine and turned into fat calories! They tested someone’s faeces (ewwww!) and over 2 weeks a person had a low dairy diet one week and high dairy the next. It found he excreted twice as much fat on the high dairy week than on the low dairy week! So therefore eating a diet high in low fat dairy products helps the body get rid of more fat!

Exercise: they found that a person excerised and burned 18g of fat. Then the next day it had showed he had burned 49g of fat. Even though all he had done since was sleep. This was because the carbs in his body were burned off with the exercise and it takes the body 22hours to build them up again. So in that time afterwards the “afterburn” as they called it meant his body had continued to burn the fat, even though he did nothing!!! So exercising daily builds up and means fat will burn over time even though it may not initially!

They tested someones heart rate and activity level and found that just by making small changes like walking around a little more, using the stairs, walking to a further bus stop etc she burned an extra 245 calories a day! So they say just moving a little more and eating the same diet will help burn cals!

So I am not taking these things as completely true and I may not have understood have understood them all really but I thought it was interesting to try and figure out why some things work for losing weight and getting healthier! So it will be protein, soup, low fat dairy products and just being a little more active for me from now on, lol!!! Just thought I’d share this info!

Just wanted to make note of this today. Was at a training course and am going again tomorrow. It is called Asist Training and trains you in the skills to use in a suicide intervention. Basically to try and help someone that is contemplating taking their own life and try and turn things around for them. It was really interesing but heavy going as suicide is not something people often sit down and talk about so openly. Which, i believe, leads it to be even more of a taboo and stigmatised issue. If people were only able to talk about their feelings and discuss that they are feeling so low that they want to end their own life, well then maybe it wouldn’t end in such an ultimate and final act. Maybe more people could grasp on to something and get the help they need.

Anyway, I enjoy my work with clients (dealing with homelessness, addictions and mental health problems amoungst others) but have always found it a little daunting. The more experience I have gotten the more I feel comfortable in the work that I do. The part I seem to dwell on too much is knowing the right thing to say. I overthink it and worry about the right response for someone that is telling you their feelings and then I feel I am not helping them. I am not trained in counselling at all. I am getting much better and more comfortable in this role though.  Now today we were sitting discussing things in a group and I got talking to a lady afterwards. She is a trained counsellor. She just said out of nowhere that I must be very good at my work. I asked her what she meant by this and she said that I have a very nice, open and natural manner. She said she could tell I approach things with openness and optimism and my clients must appreciate this. This meant so much to me. I always struggle with how I come across but for some reason this compliment (maybe because it came from someone who did not even know me or have to say anything) meant alot. It gives me more confidence and I was really happy as I never expected (yet always hoped) that that is the way I come across.

Anyway, that wasn’t anything weight related but it made me feel good today!! Foodwise I had a healthy breakfast. Lunch was provided at the course, it was healthy salads but I ate a little too much and the mini desserts were LOVELY!! i should have stayed away but…..well…I didn’t! lol! Had a healthy omelette and a pitta for dinner. A low fat yogurt after. And i am just home from a 50minute walk! yay! So I am happy enough with today. Let’s see if I can avoid the desserts tomorrow…..hmmmm!!

Can’t believe it’s 10pm already, the day has went quickly!! Hope everyone’s had a nice day.

Mia xx

well, i moved my weight ticker to 192 today. I know I probably shouldn’t have as I am a little hungover today and dehydrated and that always causes me to be a little lower. But I saw the loss so decided, why not!! It is keeping me on track for today and not letting me eat hangover food!! (i.e greasy carbs!!)

So I am nearly out of the 190s, wow! I know I could have been here long ago and this weight loss has taken me quite a long time but I think if it works for me then why not! it has been 11months and I have lost 33 pounds. average 3.3 pounds a month. So that is not a big number but I am just happy that it is staying off and even when I go off the rails for a few days or weeks I tend to maintain which I am happy with! My bmi at 225lbs was 34.3 and it is now 29.2. A good result I think!

Ok, so today I am mainly just surfing the net and being LAZY!! I have a training course (on mental health and suicide intervention) tomorrow and tuesday 9-5 and am told it is tough going so plan on taking it easy today. I WILL get exercise in! I will go for an hour walk. I will not go to bed tonight without having done it! That is my promise to myself!

Went out for a few beers last night, hadn’t planned to so had 2 glasses of wine at home with dinner. wine+beers=me being quite drunk. well not too bad, was a fun evening. just sitting chatting in the bar and playing jenga!! And I didn’t even think about eating takeaway afterwards and ate nothing when I got home either, definite plus points for me!!

I will come back and report on my exercise! My goal for the next few days is to eat healthy, exercise every day and I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to get under 190. A big ask especially when it is time of the month and I’ll be bloated. But I will try my best! The 180s are so close now that it seems do-able!! I am going away on Friday to London for a few days with friends and although I know it will be lots of fun I know my confidence would be sky high if I’ve managed to lose a few lbs this week!

Mia

well, what can i say? I’ve not been a great buddy at all….I’m really sorry! I have been pretty much awol recently. Have just been so so busy and haven’t got much time to be on here and reading blogs and posting comments! I will try to get back into it over the next few days!

So, I wish I had some great diet and exercise achievements to report but I’m afraid I don’t. I am still hovering around 193/194 which considering I was 225, I am happy about. I am glad I am maintaining. Although I would of course prefer to be losing but that involves effort and dedication and I know that I have done neither so realistically I do not expect the scale to move!

I NEED to get back into this, I want to get down to 180. I think I will be satisfied with this. Which is not much further to go if I am honest. and i KNOW if I put the effort in I will make it, so why not put that effort in?! Who knows! I have many excuses, but excuses don’t make you lose pounds.

I am happy these days, happier than I have been in a while. Maybe that is why I have been awol so much, just been too busy enjoying life and partying too hard, lol!! I have been really busy with working too which is great as I definitely need the money. I had planned to take today off and was even planning on going to the gym to kick start this exercising into gear. I got asked to work and I said no. Then they asked AGAIN because they were stuck, so I did it. I need the money and they were stuck for staff. So I worked again today so not much exercise. Eating hasn’t been too bad but I am still so tired from working a really really long shift the other day. Anyway, it could be much worse and I have to learn to manage both being busy and being healthy!

So I have been doing lots these days, visiting friends, partying and generally enjoying myself and not having time for being bored!! And you know what? Sometimes I don’t even recognise myself. Well, physically I do, lol. Although I am SO much happier with my appearance now, I know I could be even happier but I am content with my figure at the moment and sometimes, shock, I even think I look pretty great!! lol! My personality appears to have changed so much too. I mean, I have this self esteem that I never really knew I had. Either that or it genuinely didn’t exist before. I really think I had none . That situation with the guy recently (which I will not get into again!!!) has made me think a lot. And for once I know that my weight had NOTHING to do with this scenario, yep, I just said that. From me, who blamed being overweight on any romantic situations ever. Thought that who would want me? I mean I HATED what I saw in the mirror, why would anyone else like it, let alone love it? Anyway, I am still upset by that situation and wish it had turned out differently but I am so proud of how I handled it. I would not stand for being messed around, I knew I deserved the truth, I deserved honesty and I deserved respect. Wow. This is huge. I was not going to wallow in the “he hates me cause I’m fat” thoughts that I always did in the past. I wanted honesty and I made that happen. This is not to say that I still don’t want to find someone and want to be in love but I cannot make this happen. If it will happen it will happen.

I have much more confidence than I did too and am finding that meeting new people is less daunting than it used to be. I was always able to be confident in work situations (well, most of the time) but social situations have always been difficult for me. I know it’s why I always drank alcohol on nights out and have done from way too young an age. I still do drink, but I don’t seem to depend on it for confidence like I used to. I find myself more able to make conversation with people that I haven’t met before and I seem to panic less about having nothing to say or how people percieve me. Now don’t get me wrong, I am still not the most confident person, not one of these people who can talk to anyone and feel comfortable in any situation but I think few people genuinely are. I seem to know my limits now, I know when I am getting into a situation that I am not entirely comfortable with and I don’t beat myself about it or blame myself for not being able to just be life and soul of the party. Maybe it’s not always my fault? Other people have their insecurities too and maybe this affects me too? Realising these things has made me change a lot. It’s made me realise how much I love and could not live without my friends and I am making more and more effort to spend time with them and keep in touch with them as much as possible.

Photos. Photos are something that for as long as I can remember I have hated. I never ever ever liked a photo of me. Honestly, there are I think 2 or 3 photos that I have of myself taken in the last maybe 10 years that I actually liked. Others I just COULDN’T even look at. I hated what I saw. All I saw was fat. I hated when other people had pictures from nights out of me and I just did not like what I saw and was so embarassed knowing that other people would see them. This has changed so much. I enjoy looking through the photos from nights out now. And if there are maybe 20 photos there may be one or 2 I don’t like, as opposed to there being maybe 1 i did like! I still don’t love every picture of myself and think I look great or anything but I don’t physically cringe when I see photos of myself, and I usually see the the good points and don’t focus THAT much on the bad. This is such a huge change for me and it really makes things much easier.

So, there we go, another long ranting blog from me!! I am just happy that my personal opinions of myself are getting better. Feeling better about myself and realising that I am not a the horrible person I once thought has been a big change for me. Self esteem is a great thing and although I am not always 100% and every day is different overall things are much better

As for diet and exercise: I must start logging my foods again and exercising. Then again, I seem to say this all the time and still it rarely happens!! So I will let you all know when I get back into it, hopefully it is really soon!! I will try my best to catch up on blogs over the next few days. Sorry again for not being around so much.

Mia xx

well, i am using everything I know to get back on track and it seems to be working…today was a good day, better than I have had in ages!!

Foodwise: I started off a little high as I ate breakfast in work and can’t seem to make good choices when I am there! But it is now 8pm and I’m on 1655 for the day. So I will probably eat another snack later but I am happy with this.  Ate stirfry with rice for lunch, and tuna salad pitta for dinner so am back to healthy foods! I was going to put mayonaise on my pitta, there was only full fat stuff in my fridge and when I checked it was 100cals for a tablespoon!!!! I could not justify putting that on my food! So I had a 30 cal cheese triangle instead! So I am glad I have made better choices today.

Exercise: yep, I did it!! I did not jog, but I did for for a walk for an hour and my pedometer said I did 7000 steps! So if this is right, yay!! I am glad I got out there and did it, it’s been too long and as I knew it would it did make me feel much better as soon as I stepped outside the house!

So Journi has this confidence challenge going and I think it’s great. I decided to do things for me, I was working 4pm-10am both monday and tuesday nights (get to sleep at night but still was really tired after the 2 days!) and was pretty tired today. So after my walk I went to bed for a few hours! Did not want to get up but I figured if I stayed in bed all evening I would not sleep tonight. So I then had a nice shower, did my hair, shaved my legs, lol! and generally just took time to make myself feel nice. So that’s definitely a good thing!

Well I think I am back on track, I’m not going to say that I have it all sorted again because I think I will just try my best and take each day as it comes. Overall my mood has definitely brightened and am feeling much more positive and happy I got my pictures from my party weekend and I find looking at photos is different now. I seem to like them. Weird, huh? I always HATED photos, but now I am happy to pose for them and actually enjoy looking through them. This may not sound like much to other people but it is HUGE for me. Means my self esteem must be growing. I have noticed that I have a jawline now and my neck is much smaller, so I have a defined profile in pictures, yay, i like it!

So I  am using the forums and all the stuff on here to try and get me back on track as much as I can, but it is working. I can do this!! I am happy with my weight right now, but I am not willing to give up just yet. I want to get to 180lbs and then I think I will stop, but I will see when I am there. So that is the goal…..now to get working on it

ok, time to get real and be honest with everyone, and with myself. There’s been a serious case of comfort eating going on with me these past few days. I admit it, I was/am feeling sorry for myself. What is it about feeling crap that makes me want to eat crap? What do I think it is going to do? I know for a fact it will make me gain weight, feel tired and guilty. I know it won’t make me feel better about myself and give me that ‘comfort’ that I’m looking for.

I have picked up a little throughout today but I had a cry earlier. I was stressed and I felt like a failure. I am embarassed about everything that went on last week (with that guy) and I can’t get it all out of my head. I have never put myself out there like that (telling a guy I like him, not being slutty, ha ha!) and I got in thrown back in my face. Now he did it in the nicest way, he was honest with me and treated me with respect. But I still feel so crap about it. I mean, the fact that I did that amazes me. I have been seeing this guy on and off over the last 3years and I never ever ever had the courage to tell him how I felt. Or pursue him and let him know that I wanted honesty and I wanted to know what was going on with us. In the past I have always just presumed that I didn’t deserve the respect to be treated any better. So this is a huge turning point, at least I can see this. I was brave, I wouldn’t stand for being treated like that, I had the courage to tell him how I felt and ask him where I stood. I am proud of myself for this. Still doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. I mean, I very very rarely get to fancying a guy, honestly, I find it so hard to trust and feel comfortable with a guy and now I did and I honestly thought there was something more there, but there wasn’t. I am feeling sorry for myself…..must remember to put a downer warning in the title of this one….prepare people for the melodrama, lol

So on to comfort eating: yep I’ve been eating lots and eating badly and just not caring for the last few days. I haven’t exercised in over a week (feel crap about this….) and I have been eating lots of bad things, fries at 3am the other night after pints of beer, lots of lovely white bread( that doesn’t agree with my stomach anyway) and LOADS of really great cheese! mmmmm….i had brie, feta, parmesan, swiss. Yep pretty much every type. I love cheese, ha ha! We got donated lots of it in work and most of our clients wouldn’t eat those kinds of cheeses so I tucked in…..I made the nicest CREAMY CHEESY pasta today, wow it was good. Then I went shopping with a friend, I bought nothing because I have no money! but I did get a snack, some salted cashew nuts, fried rice crackers…hmmm…haven’t allowed myself those in AGES….they were good! I did make a healthy enough dinner of noodle soup with veg and quorn so thats ok I suppose. So now I sit here, 11pm, and I feel crap! My mood has lifted thanks to talking to some friends. Seriously I have no idea how I used to keep this stuff in, no wonder I had such terrible confidence and self esteem, my head was full of negative and destructive thoughts. Now that I find myself able to talk to friends about it, it definitely helps clear things. I am still not feeling happy and optimistic but I think a good nights sleep will help. I am so thirsty and dehydrated from all the salt and fat, even though I have drank alot of water today. My skin is breaking out in spots from the beer, the food and from the fact I have been smoking WAY too many (i know, 1 is too many) cigarettes this last week or two. I have a headache from just being online all evening and not getting any exercise.

So, what to do about it? Yes, I have identified some positives in there so gotta hang on to them! I am not gonna write here saying I am gonna do this this this and this tomorrow because then I will feel even worse if I fail. But I plan on having a good nights sleep. Getting up in the morning, having a healthy breakfast. Writing down my food intake (haven’t done this in a week or 2) and watching my calories again. I am working in the place with all that lovely cheese again tomorrow….hmmm…can I resist? doubt it, (hey, at least I’m honest!) but I can take control of it, limit myself! Seriously, what is it about cheese? is it just me, am I sounding like a freak right now?!? And I plan on going jogging again, gotta get back into it before I lose it altogether.

Ok, so the next few weeks are going to be quiet, going to try and work has much as I can (need money) and have a training course coming up too. I am off to London for a few days 27th June, going to see Neil Young with my friends and my sister! love him. And going to do some house hunting for our move over there in August. So that is 3 weeks, well, just under. And I am going to try and get under 190lbs by then. So according to my ticker in 4 pounds I will be at 189. According to what I probably weigh right now it could be 6/7 pounds? hmmm….ok, well I will try my best! would love to be under 190. I am not going to weigh myself for a week anyway, and we’ll see how I go from there.

Right, wallowing is getting me nowhere, and is just making me feel crapper. Taking action is the only other option and let’s face it, I know it will make me feel better if I do something about it. I’ve been here before and I’ll be here again so I just have to learn to handle it and get myself out of it. As for romance, I am off it, not able to deal with a situation like that again for a while, get myself back in gear and then deal with whatever comes my way.

Well, it has been a week since I was last here, and what an insane week it has been!

First off, thanks to everyone for their comments on my last blog, I was so happy with that 3 pound loss, granted I probably put on 10lbs in the last week from drinking beer, eating lots and not exercising. I have not weighed myself and I am not going to, I don’t want to get disheartened. I will work hard for a week and then see what the scale looks like!

So it was a great weekend, really really fun. I was in such a good mood, I felt good and was happy. I was with my friends, the sun was shining and I was drinking beer. I did not stop laughing all weekend, every photo from the weekend has my big grin in it somewhere, lol!! Spending time with friends really is the best medicine (for me) and I really made the most of it! The beautiful weather was great too, time on the beach and lots of outdoors time and I didn’t get burnt (plenty of sunscreen!).

I must admit that I am now on a downer The last few days have been really really tough. And why? Romance. Isn’t it always the reason!? To summarise briefly there is a guy I really like. He is a friend of mine (well, more so of my friends) and we have been together on and off for 3 years now. Yep, a long time. We don’t see eachother very often but when we do we end up kissing. And I really like him. So this weekend we got to talking, ALOT! lol! I am all about honesty these days and made him have big chats (hard to get info out of some guys, lol!). So anyway, we left things sunday night/5am monday morning when he walked me home that he would phone me and we would meet up the next day. He never called. I was annoyed and upset. My friends (who are his friends for YEARS!) were going to kill him, they were so annoyed he would treat me like that. I mean, we get on SO well. We have such a laugh together. I can completely be myself around him and him with me. So I suppose I had started to read alot into how we were with eachother and got to thinking he liked me alot too. So no word monday, no word tuesday and by wednesday I was getting so confused and pissed with him. So I texted him asking were we really gonna leave the situation between us like this again. I sent this text at 1pm. And he phoned me at 10pm. You can imagine how much I written him off in those 9hours, I was so mad!! So he called, and apologised for not calling, saying there was no excuse but he just didn’t know what to do. He was honest and says he likes me and likes being with me but doesn’t like me enough for anything serious. He does not want a relationship and doesn’t think we would work out together.  One reason being that I am moving away and we already live in different cities as it is. Now this guy is scared of relationships (my friend told me some info) and tends to over think everything. Which is what he did, he obviously was not willing to take the chance and see where it would go because he thought ahead and concluded it would not work. He says it was just some fun and we get on well and like being together but he wants no more than that. He says he doesn’t have these “super romantic” feelings for me that he hears people talk about. He is obviously waiting for the elusive “one” and will not settle for less. I suppose I admire that in a way and he does not want to lead me on. So there it is, there was lots more that happened but I think this sums it up! I am upset now, because I really like him. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it. I will just have to move on. We will see eachother again as friends as our best friends are all the one group. So it will be fine, and we agreed it can never happen again and we must be sensible about it. He knows I like him more than he likes me so that is a little embarassing, but I am just glad he was honest with me. I know where I stand and I know it will never happen with us. It has got me down though, it takes me a long time to like and trust someone and I now like and trust someone that I can’t have

So that is my week off! The sun is still shining and it is nice here. I will get back to my jogging tomorrow and try to get back on track. Foodwise I went and bought salad things: lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, feta cheese, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, fat free vinagrette and some brown bread! It was so good and there is still lots more so I will be on salad for the next few days! Just as well really because I have no money and my body needs a detox!

I was at a drugs awareness training course for work (in homeless services) the last 2 days, it was really interesting as my knowledge is minimal and i think it will better prepare me for work and working with clients that are drug users. Got talking to some other women on the course over lunch and it got to diets (as usual, lol!) and I told them how much I had lost since last summer. They were shocked! and kept asking how I did it! I informed them: writing down what I eat, counting calories and exercising. There are no quick fixes. This is what worked for me. They kept saying did you cut out carbs, did you do slimfast etc etc etc but I said no. The long hard boring way is what works!!

So I have read no blogs in a week so I am sorry for being awol. I will try and catch up on some now and hopefully I will be back on track as off tomorrow. Am meeting up with some friends tomorrow so hopefully that will help me not wallow too much in feeling sad and help me move on. This is life I suppose and I do have to keep thinking that so many people in the world have so much more serious problems than I do so why am I so down about it. But it doesn’t seem to help. It’s hard to see out of your own problems, small and all that they may be. But I know I will be ok.

Hope everyone is well this past week and hope I haven’t missed too much.

Love

Mia x