Maria’s quest for a healthier body!

oh it was so good! So I met a friend yesterday and we hung out for the day, treated ourselves to some chocolate cake….it was like a praline mousse thing….oh I can’t stop thinking about it!! lol

Anyway so I didn’t eat properly at all yesterday, I had a good breakfast, soup for lunch then that cake and some other sweets throughout the evening! (we had a party in our house!) so I also had a bottle of wine (ooops!) and then a few more drinks in the pub….oh I was a little drunk AND then I had some cheese and chips (fries) in the take away at 3am! haha! It has been so long since I’ve done that and I was feeling so bad about myself and so bloated going to bed! But I woke up this morning and thought about it rationally (soberly!!) and realised it is done now so agonising over it isnt going to change a thing! It isnt going to make the calories go away and realistically I didnt have that many calories yesterday (im sure the alcohol added lots though!) oh well, I had fun, I enjoy going out and dancing and its unrealistic to say Im going to stop doing it! At least I have cut back from doing it once or twice a week to once or twice a month!! Life is for living and for having fun and counting calories all day everyday, well, life is too short for that!

So for me the best thing to come out of my weight loss so far is this change in attitude and being proud of myself. I’m only human and I’m going to slip up and make mistakes but as long as I try and make up for it later and move on, well that’s all i expect of myself!!

Oh and also I went shopping yesterday, I had to get fitted for a new bra as all my others had gotten too big! so I was wearing a 42/40 C and after getting fitted and measured I’m wearing a 38 C or a 40 B depending on the range. So I kind of lost of cup size !!! Oh well, at least I’m loosing weight I just wish it would go off my belly more than my boobs!!

So weigh in day is tomorrow and after the day that was yesterday, well who knows! But I’m hopefull as I was pretty good all week.

My goal for today??? a swim or a walk……..it WILL happen!!

Mia

well, it does seem to get harder the longer this lifestyle change goes one….the pounds dropped get smaller, first week i got 5 and was so delighted with that but now im delighted to just be at one pound!! it was actually 1.5 so im 206.5 but the weigh in on here wont let me do halves so ill leave it there till next week when hopefully i will be down again.

Whats helping me at the minute is having my best friend for support, we’ve set up a web page for just the two of us and we weigh in on there once a week. and give eachother advice and stuff, so thats helping! im not doing as much exercise as i should be these days as im working lots (but it can be quite active work so im not just sitting down all the time) but i am going to make it to swimming 3 times this week- thats my aim and i always to 30 t0 40 lengths when im there so if i get that exercise in this week i will be delighted!

I bought new skinny jeans yesterday! my old ones where too big (theres nothing worse tha saggy skinny jeans, just dont look right!) and size 16 (uk) in primark fitted no problem at all! usually i would have to beat myself into their size 16 trousers so i was really happy, and the fact they’re only 17 euro is great too! So i am really noticing the weight loss in my clothes and am fitting into things i havent been able to fit in in AGES!

So im happy, its slow progress but i think ive finally realised that it really is the best way to do this as its realistic, attainable and there is less chance of it going back on. I really want this to be the last time i ever have to do this!!

So my goal is 8/9 pounds by christmas, id just be happy to get to 199! But197 would mean a loss of 28 pounds (2 stone!!) so i would be delighted to be able to tell people at christmas that ive lost 2 stone in 5 months! So thats my goal, 197 by christmas, definetly do-able if i dont go off the rails!!

Thanks

Mia

well…..things in my head are starting (i say starting, theres a long way to go!!) to become clearer. From reading other peoples blogs and from peoples comments on my blogs its got me thinking more and more about my issues with food. I try to convince myself that this weight loss that i want/need is as simple as getting a handle on my calorie intake and exercising more but the more i get into it the more i realise there is to it.

I try and not think about it (as it scares me how low i used to be) but i definitely suffered from some sort of depression when i was younger (maybe aged 14-16).  i would cry all the time, I had terrible self esteem, I started to binge drink to make me more out going and “likeable” (thats what i thought anyway!). I got addicted to some herbal slimming pills for a bout a year ( I know I was addicted because my mum agreed to put me on them as I was 15 and probably about 200 pounds but a few months later my dad found out and he forbade me to take them, but i kept doing to in secret for a few more months untill i just couldnt afford them anymore. The pills were appetite suppressents and it meant I wouldnt eat breakfast, id tell my friends in school i wasnt hungry and would eat later then I would eat a small dinner (i couldn’t get out of that one as i had dinner with my parents!). Oh god, as im writing i have just had a flash back. I wondered how i could have afford those pills at 15, but i just remembered that my mum would give me money each day for buying lunch (2 euro) and i would eat nothing and save it everyday to buy the pills. oh god, how deceitful of me. shows how desperate i must have been, getting a little emotional now just writing this.

Anyway, I ate little, i tried making myself sick after meals but couldnt and my mum caught me and the look on her face devastated me so i didnt do it again, she knew exactly what i was trying to do. Anyway, my self-esteem was just so low and to be honest still is a little. Although now, at 24 years old!, I seem to be gaining more confidence. I have such good friends and dont test the boundaries with them like i used to. I threw a party recently and some of them travelled the 3 hours to come and i was just the happiest person ever, I couldnt explain it to them but just knowing people love me and will go out of their way to spend time with me, well, thats pretty weird. good weird, but still weird.

Ok, this is a topic im going to have to put to the back of my mind for another little while, i will explore it again some day very soon but right now i’ve dug deep enough as i have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. Who knew i was so emotional… ha ha! On the weight loss fron, things are going ok, its taken me nearly 3 months to lose 16 pounds as i keep going off the rails a little but im still proud of myself and i think if i did it too quickly (yes the weight would go back on again) but also my head just wouldnt be ready. Cause i suppose at the minute im trying to come to terms with who i am and i am learning to be happy with what i see in the mirror and in photos. and im learning that i can be fun too, sober and normal!! i have a good personality and i dont need to act like someone im not.

So, if anyones managed to read this far, sorry it was so long but i kinda just spilled my thoughts and emotions out in a blog. Go me!

Mia

just watching a documentary on tv at the moment following the story of an 8 year old anorexic. It’s very in depth look at her life and the obsession that such a young girl has with food. It’s such a serious mental health issue and it’s scary to think its affecting so many people and such young people.

It makes me wonder about my own issues with food. I’ve always been overweight, was I just a greedy, lazy child? I don’t know. Just even addressing these issues is a little overwhelming so I don’t think I’m going to delve too deeply just yet. But could it be something similar? Was I unable to control what I was eating because of something in my head that wouldn’t let me. It definietly cant be attributed to my family because they are all normal weight, we ate healthy, were very active and ate little sweets and there was never much pressure around my weight problem, not that I can remember anyway. I just remember wanting to eat all the time, never feeling full. Anyway, I think there’s much more to this and hopefully something I’ll get my head around in time.

As for this week, I THINK I’ve done ok! I’m weighing in tomorrow morning and I’m hoping to be 2 or 3 lbs down! I won’t be able to change by weight ticker though as I am up 3 pounds on what I last recorded and was too stubborn to change it! So hopefully tomorrow I will be back at 209 and then next week start moving the scale down again, although I have a big weekend again next week with my friends birthday dinner and my mums birthday dinner! But I will just have to deal with that when it comes and just try and make the healthiest choices possible!

So I will be back in the next few days, and hopefully I’ll have some positive results!

Mia

well, im back on track, weighed myself this morning and im up 3 pounds but im too stubborn to change my weight ticker because it will be gone by next week, i am determined!!

My best friend and I have just set up a private group thing and we are going to motivate each other cause we cant afford weight watchers! we live bout 3 hours drive apart and she was visiting me this weekend so we decided it’d be a good plan! So its great to have eachother and hopefully we will succeed!

I will still be blogging on here just not in a weight loss challenge as we are gonna have out own weigh in day and compare results!!

Went back swimming today, found it tough after my week or two absence, its amazing how fitness levels drop when you dont exercise regularly! but i am going again tomorrow after work and my eating is back on track again too! I am motivated once again, gotta be up at 7am for work so going to have an early night, still tired after my messy weekend!!

will be back to update on the journey!

well, yeah, it should say today. but its already 6pm and i’m too tired lazy and hungover to do anything! So tomorrow morning I am going to start back on my healthy regime as if I never lost track (10 days ago!). Lets hope my body doesnt even notice and just joins me on my mission and doesnt tempt me to reach for the chocolate!

So I am going to try and plan my meals this evening for tomorrow to try and keep me on track tomorrow, I am going to go swimming tomorrow before I go to work (havent been in over a week! I miss exercise! wow, i dont think ive ever said that before!!) and I am going to stay away from the alcohol again for at least a week or so, or maybe even till xmas! I hit it hard this last two weekends, i had do much fun with my friends! but i do feel SO sluggish, i feel bloated, my skin is terrible and I am exhausted! So I know how much better I can feel if I get back on track and I want to go back to having that enthusiasm, energy and improving self esteem that was making me feel so much better only a week or two ago! it’s amazing how quickly motivation can change! But the most important thing I can take from this lapse in healthy thinking is that I don’t hate myself for it (which I would have in the past!) and I know I’m the only one that can change things and make me feel more confident in myself!

I’m going to start logging in alot more often here again because I’ll need the motivation of everyones blogs to keep me going and the distraction of buddyslim to stop me running to the cupboards!

Wish me luck, tomorrow I am going to do well. I am determined!

Maria